The Reason For The Season
Christmas 2020 did you really think it would ever get here? Look I don’t know about you but this year has been tough, from one moment to the next we really had no idea what would come at us next! Here’s a thought: I am grateful for 2020. Now hold on a second before you have me thrown into the loony bin, let me explain!
Throughout my life, I have had many 2020 seasons. Even as a child, it seemed I had to cling to one thing -- God, to get by. Growing up poor and then carrying that training into married life left my world in a mess. Growing up, all I knew was that I wanted to be a wife and mother. In enters my amazing future husband in my junior year of high school. By the end of High school, we were married. Planning a wedding turned out to be a tumultuous undertaking and so one month after graduation and six days after my 18th birthday we eloped.
This was the beginning of the wildest ride of my life. Bringing in so much bad baggage from childhood I was clueless as to what a good wife even looked like. I began doing a lot and kept taking on more until I was basically controlling it all, husband, kids, house, and all. I was incredibly grumpy to be around. My kids at some point nicknamed me ‘the Krakken” on bad days… there were many.
We spent 27 years raising kids, paying bills, and taking care of sick relatives until they passed on. I was left feeling empty, angry, and hopeless. The final straw was in 2016 when my mom passed away and the arrangements were all left up to me as usual. I handled it as well as I could and my amazing brother dumped the entire estate mess on me and vanished into thin air. I had developed this pipe dream of saving my mom's reputation by straightening all of her mess. In my zeal for that, my husband and I grew farther apart. It is hard to love and help someone who can’t receive either. So to be transparent even if he tried to help by this point I was harboring so much bitterness I could not have seen it.
So you are probably like, “Dawn you are really not inspiring a lot of holiday cheer here!” Well, hang on I am going somewhere with all this. Our relationship became toxic and abusive in July of 2018 and I had had it. I asked him to leave and after two weeks of silence, he moved out. I was relieved. I truly believed all my troubles went with him.
I spent the next three months crying, praying, and refinding something I had lost- ME! Then something happened in October. I went to a women's conference and on the way home God broke me. I cried so hard I could not see the road, (if you were on the road that night I apologize I should have pulled over and don't remember the drive at all). On that ride, I finally admitted to God, and myself, that I wanted my marriage back, I wanted my childhood dream back, I wanted to be a wife and I specifically wanted to be Scott’s wife.
That November the worst thing happened -- I heard Scott was dating. At first, I was angry. I mean our divorce wasn’t even final yet! Second I was crushed that my dream was dead! #ButGod In December God asked me to pray for my marriage, and my response went something like this “Have you lost your mind?” Yes, I have great faith, and yes I was trying my best to be obedient, but ummm, what? I could not get God off my back about it, so reluctantly I agreed to read a prayer devotional, a very short one, and dedicate time to praying for my marriage. On the 21st day of this devotional Scott and I were in the same store at the same time. My son needed something and I took him to the store and lo and behold there was his dad Scott actually helping him find what he needed. Side note: I had spent the past three months working on m, so I was looking good! As I left the store I thanked Scott for his help and was amazed that he seemed so kind and sweet like the guy I fell in love with in high school. Over the next few weeks, we started talking and actually communicating well. In January we decided to go on a date and see if this would actually work out; work out it did and the rest as they say is history.
So even in my 2020 seasons, I had always held to one thing: gratitude. This month and year are no different. Truly if we can be grateful even for the garbage that is dumped in our lap, then I believe we will see victory in every season. So what is THE REASON FOR THE SEASON? Gratitude! Always and forever gratitude!
