Am I Broken?
For too long there has been a negative stigma concerning those who suffer with depression in the church. Woman of God, I have heard everything: “Well am I not a Christian? Christians don’t struggle with depression!” How about this one: “Am I not ‘Christian’ enough?” “Maybe I just need to pray more or read my bible more or listen to more praise and worship music.” If this has sounded like you hear me when I say, “NO, NO, NO! STOP!” I have said all these things to myself as well. Those lies have caused people to not seek help when it is necessary. There have been suicides from pastors in the church because of this.
We have to realize that sometimes depression is truly a chemical imbalance in the brain. Sometimes depression is situational. But If you had diabetes, would you not go to the doctor to get help with treatment and insulin? The same with depression. You have a part of your body that is not working perfectly as it should. Acknowledge there is a problem, so the light of Christ can shine in that dark place.
Then seek help.
My journey with depression began around 2011.
There were many situations that led up to this. Part of this was because my body went through some major physical changes which had an impact on some chemical changes in my body. See my body does not absorb nutrients and water quite like the next healthy person. To keep this story short, in 2016, I found myself pregnant, and living in a new small town with postpartum depression. I had a lot of time to think, and plenty of time for negative thoughts to begin. Loneliness began to settle. And then suicidal thoughts became so overwhelming everyday. Not long after those thoughts I came to a crossroads. I had two options:
Check myself into a mental rehab OR
Immediately start in some sort of program and counseling
TIn spite of those negative stigmas and lies I had thought above, I decided to get help. I immediately began attending a 12 Step Christ-Centered Recovery Program. It is for anyone with a hurt, hangup, or habit. Jesus, through Celebrate Recovery and counseling, gave my life back.
Do I still struggle with depression? Yes, I do! But I have learned coping skills to manage. I study how some of those in God’s word handled being overwhelmed with emotion. I started learning the importance of what the Bible calls, “renew your mind”. Whatever things are, “lovely, pure, just, upright...-think on these things”. Having a heart of gratitude and thankfulness for all the blessings, no matter how small, helps to keep my mind focused on Christ. Everyday, I write a gratitude list. As for the negative thoughts that I have, I have began to notice them, “...and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Jesus began showing me that there is power in community because He never meant for us to do life alone. We are not made to sit with depression fighting alone in our homes. We are not created to seclude ourselves from the rest of the world. It is not weakness to admit and ask for help. Christ says, “...bare in each others burdens...”, “...in the same way you have been comforted, you are to provide that same comfort to others...”. If you have overcome a challenge, there is someone on this earth that God will send to provide a word of hope, life, and healing. We are to love, help, comfort, and speak life into one another on this side of eternity. It may be a short season. It may be a long season.
Beautiful woman of God, stop believing the lie that Christians do not struggle with depression.
God’s word says there is a season to rejoice and a season to mourn. Christians go through seasons of life-mountains and valleys! Stop believing “I’m not Christian enough”. If you need help, ask for help. Do not suffer alone. There is hope! His name is Jesus and He will be your guide! He will provide comfort. He will provide people to walk with you along the journey-friends, co-workers, pastors, a community, doctors, counselors, those in programs like Celebrate Recovery. If you feel like you need to see a doctor, pray the one you sign up with is God ordained. The worst thing you can do is sit and do nothing suffering alone and secluding yourself.
There is hope in Jesus. God gifts people like doctors with those talents to help people. Emotions are a gift from the Lord. They provide warning signs that says “something’s not right.” And that is when you need to dig deeper. Search and find a Celebrate Recovery closest to you: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/ If you need immediate help, contact your closest emergency room and/or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at : 1-800-273-8255.
