Forever Home
I didn’t become a foster parent to actually foster children.
My plan was to adopt one perfect little boy or girl, who was desperately needing a forever home. We were going to save them, change their life, & then go on as if nothing had ever happened, you know the story of happily ever after? That would be us.
But if I’ve learned anything on this journey it’s that we are all put on this earth to serve a specific purpose & He will make a way for us to do exactly that, although rarely how we have planned. Sometimes He throws us in, excited & prepared for what lies ahead, sometimes He slowly grooms our heart for what’s next & sometimes, like Jonah, you run from your calling & He offers grace by sticking you in the mouth of a giant whale, bringing you back to that calling.
I have experienced all three in the last five years of foster care.
When my two biological kids were toddlers, my husband & I found out that we wouldn’t be having any more of ‘our own’ kids. I was okay at first, but overtime the devastation set in. I had always longed for a mini van full of little muddy soccer players, for absolutely no down time & to live in a laundry filled house of chaos & giggles—okay I’m lying about the laundry part, but you get the picture. This was my ‘white picket fence’. This was the life I had always envisioned as a little girl.,
felt called to adopt, but convincing my husband of that was another story. In fact, he wasn’t interested in raising more children. Especially because our oldest was recently diagnosed with autism. So when the begging & crying didn’t work, I decided to start praying. After a year of asking God to align our two hearts with His will, my husband finally agreed to look into adoption. We pursued international & domestic but after each closed door & seven months of paperwork, trainings & homestudies, we were licensed foster parents.
That day we were able to say yes to children that had been awaiting adoption. We were excited, we told everybody, decorated a room & prepared for a future with them. Three weeks later, that door would abruptly & permanently close. We had experienced our first loss. After only weeks, I could see that I was already on a roller-coaster & it was wilder than I had imagined. But we still wanted to stand in line for the ride & now, we were open to welcoming any type of child, whether they were awaiting adoption or just entering foster care. Two days went by before the phone rang while I was at church
We have this little boy, he’s 2, he needs a home today, can you take him?”
Photo Credit: Honey Belle Photography
hadn’t even wrapped my head around what had happened just days ago but in walks the cutest boy, who was half the size he should have been & he had the tallest, most well-manicured mohawk I had ever seen. He immediately took me outside & asked “mommy will you push me on the swing?” My heart melted for Chancey. He was so sweet & full of energy, beyond any child I had ever met. He had also suffered more trauma than my mind could understand at such a young age. We welcomed him & loved him as if he had always been with us. Just as life was settling & we had found our new normal, the phone rang again.
“I have a one day old baby girl. Can you take her? She doesn’t yet have a name.”
She was beautiful, we picked out the name Savannah for her. I couldn’t believe we were so ‘lucky’ to have her with us. But for the first time, my heart ached for her biological mom. It was overwhelming to hurt for someone who may have made different decisions than I did, but really had no true support. I realized that although I thought this baby was meant to be with us, God had never intended for families to be broken. He just didn’t. This child was never meant to be mine, but she was only with me because of brokenness. I struggled with feeling guilt over my extreme joy that this could be forever.
All I wanted was to grow my family & there I was, trying to process that adoption from foster care came with so much more than my ‘white picket fence’. Broken families, trauma, pain; it all hit me at once. My eyes were finally opening to a bigger picture.
Months went by while we continued loving & caring for these children & although we were comfortable with our family dynamics, we could see that God had not called us to forever with Chancey. He had called us to bridge the gap from where he was, to where he needed to be.
Chancey would be broadcasted throughout the state of Texas to find an adoptive home, but I could not wrap my head around never seeing this child, who had been in my house for over a year, ever again. I felt God pulling me to reach out to a couple that I had only met once in passing at a local foster parent dinner, I knew nothing about them & didn’t even get a chance to speak with them that night. I did know that they were wanting to adopt a child from foster care, like so many others in our community. I wrote them a message, ‘hey I know I don’t know you & you don’t know me & I’m sure you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I believe you are supposed to be my son’s parents’.
Their reply was somewhere between "You are crazy" and "Tell us more".
Photo Credit: Honey Belle Photography
We talked for days & after meeting them, it was obvious who Chancey’s parents were & I wasn’t one of them. I also knew things didn’t work like that, foster parents can’t make those kinds of decisions & I was overstepping my boundaries; but I felt that if God had directed me specifically to this family, He would make it all work. & just weeks later, what shouldn’t have been, was, & he landed exactly where he needed to be. We still get to see Chancey. My husband & I are his ‘aunt & uncle’ & our children are his ‘cousins’. We had the pleasure of standing beside his family on adoption day & we now enjoy watching him not only grow, but thrive.
While our family was still adjusting from saying goodbye to Chancey & when our sweet baby girl Savannah was just nine-months old, we walked into the courthouse & adopted her by surprise. In fact, she wasn’t at her adoption & we didn’t have a crowd of family or friends around us to celebrate; but we got the honor of being her parents, forever. We were an official family of five.
So we were done right? We had adopted our perfect baby girl & experienced just enough heartache that we were closing our home. Ripping up our foster care license, our family was complete. But then the phone rang again, it was the call for the twins. The ones that I was asked to keep, just for a short while until their permanent home was available. You know, the twins I didn’t tell my husband about until he walked through the door, home from work to find them. That day he was confused to say the least, maybe a little mad, but who can remember. What I do remember was that The Lord prepared my heart over the years. I would never have said yes to children knowing without a doubt, I would soon be saying goodbye.
But because we did, we were able to bridge another gap from where children were, to where they needed to be. We also had the privilege of watching them grow, something I didn’t even realize I would treasure.
I’m sure you can imagine what happened next, I don’t even know why we tried saying we were done. I heard about him many times on Facebook. The baby boy that needed a home. He was in the hospital for months awaiting a family to be placed with. He was described as having major orthopedic issues; which I later found out meant he was missing both of his femur bones & hips. Every time I would tell myself no, another post would pop up about him or someone would call me to see if I had heard his story. Weeks went by & I could not get him off my mind, so we decided (as a family this time) to say yes. There we were, just one month after adopting our daughter & declaring we were done, with two babies under twelve months old. He was tiny, fourteen inches at three month old.
His prognosis didn’t sound good, but we serve a God who is in the business of miracles & he proved that.
Photo Credit: Honey Belle Photography
Overtime he would walk, he would ride a scooter & he would run. He wasn’t in the plan & honestly, we wouldn’t have said yes to this child years before because we just weren’t ready. His name is Charlie & he was adopted when he was 17 months old. He is now three & we are still amazed that he is constantly proving everyone wrong. I am so glad that God threw him at me when I wouldn’t do it myself.
So by this point, we were done-done. We loved the family God had given to us but foster care had worn us down, It was the chewed up & spit out kind of feeling. We couldn’t continue this ever-changing ride, or so we thought. Somewhere along the way, our hearts had shifted & our passion had changed from building our family, to being a family for those who needed one. So we are still fostering & this time, she’s seventeen.
A teenager, the type of child we always wanted to foster—when we were older, had no more children at home, more time, more parenting under our belts & definitely more patience.
It has not been easy, not one single day. People tell me she should be grateful for us. In reality, I’m grateful for her & that we are in this together. She has taught me that even children who are almost considered adults in the eyes of the state need someone willing to invest in them, to guide them & commit to them. We’re only fourteen years apart, but by the grace of God, I am rocking being her momma. It will become official later this year when she is adopted.
I bet you are expecting me to say that we will finally be done fostering & adopting right? Well, We don’t say that anymore. In fact, we say that we are always expecting, we just don’t know when or who.
Today my passion is to spread foster care awareness & encourage others who are right where I am. I started my Facebook blog Real Life Foster Mom to share what it’s really like being a foster parent; the isolation, the challenges, the joys, the hope & to inform everyone in the community how they can have a hand in helping our children & families—because we truly can’t do this without support.
I also run a foster closet at my home church alongside a few other mommas.
Photo Credit: Ryan Floro
We serve anywhere from four to ten families on a weekly basis & offer a monthly support group for local foster, adoptive & kinship families.
I could have never imagined the blessings that have been given to me along this hard journey.
If you are like I was, standing in front of another closed door, the best advice I could give to you is that when God shuts one door, thank Him & then don’t be afraid to walk through the next one He opens.
