Want to Have a Joy-Filled Relationship?
We all want happy, flourishing relationship...right?
I know I do.
But is it even possible?
The answer is ...Yes!
So what is the key, how do we attain this goal?
According to researchers in the area of positive psychology the key is positive emotions! Especially the positive emotion of joy.
The scientific research has shown that joy is a major key to a happy flourishing life! In her book “Wired for Joy” Dr. Laurel Mellin writes that when experiencing joy “people are at their best” (p.7).
Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky a happiness researcher and expert has stated that happiness/joy creates success and flourishing in areas such as health, finances, career... and marriage.
Dr. Barbara Fredickson, a leading authority on Positive emotions in her book “Positivity” shared research that positive emotions -of which joy is a leading expression - promotes and enhances openness, connection and unity among people. She states “Feelings of oneness come and go, not at random, but in step with your feelings of joy, gratitude, love and the like” (p.65.)
Dr. Antonio Damasio in his book “Looking for Spinoza: Joy, Sorrow and the Feeling Brain” states that joy “creates.... within us greater functional harmony...and the power and freedom to act” (p.138)
Joy makes everything better!
It is not only a by-product of success - it is a cause of success in different areas of life according to the latest research.
So one of the keys to a happier, more joyful relationship is to be a happier, more joyful partner in the relationship. And here is the great news...you don’t have to wait for your partner to do things to make you happier in order to be more joyful. You can start right now.
Here are some steps to experiencing more joy and becoming a more joyful partner.
Commit to experiencing joy independent of what others do or don’t do. Don’t make your joy dependent upon people or situations that are outside of your control. Decide today (right now) “I take full responsibility for my joy!”
Meditate upon joy. Philippians 4:8 reminds us that if we want to make any virtue our own we must “think on” or “mediate on these things”. How do you meditate upon joy? Identify joyful moments from your past, then rehearse and relive those moments of joy. Do this often. As I like to say “What you consistently give your mind to you will develop a mind for.”
Give yourself a joy shot through out your day. Write down 5 memories or 5 things you can think about that when you think about them gives you a moment, a “shot” of joy. I like to picture my grandchildren (especially my new granddaughter). I think about moments from my childhood that were enjoyable, or places that I have been that brought me joy. It can be anything. Just identify at least 5 items. And then as you go about your day, and you begin to feel stressed or unhappy for any reason take a moment to focus on one or more of those items you picked. Really feel the joy of your chosen focus, Do this through out your day.
Do joyful things! We all have read the verse in Nehemiah 8:10 “the joy of the Lord is your strength.” What most of us don’t realize is that this verse is connected to a larger thought “Go your way drink, eat the fat, and send portions for whom nothings prepared; for the joy of the Lord is your strength” The joy of the Lord in this passage is connected with eating , drinking and sending food to others -it was embodied and released through celebration! What can you DO that will nurture joy in you? What can you celebrate? Identify for yourself at least 5 things you can do on a regular basis that will enable you to experience and embody joy!
Ask yourself joy stimulating questions: Dr. Barbara Fredrickson suggests asking yourself the following questions: “What’s right about my current situation? What about this situation is a blessing? What aspects of my circumstances might I view as a gift to be treasured? How does it benefit me or others? What ’s going right for me right now?” (see Positivity p.49, 51)
These 5 practices can help you to develop, nurture and practice joyfully living. As you become more joyful it will “spill out” into your relationship; so nurture and enhance your own personal joy. As Anne Frank said “ Whoever is happy makes others happy”
