Gratitude in Marriage

“In everything give thanks for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus”

(I Thessalonians 5:18

This month’s theme of The Everyday Crown Rocker magazine is Gratitude! And in keeping

with that theme I want to write about gratitude in our relationships.

This month’s theme of The Everyday Crown Rocker magazine is Gratitude! And in keeping with that theme I want to write about gratitude in our relationships.

Is it important? And if so -why? Not it seems to go without saying that gratitude is important in relationships. Right? But let’s say it anyway: In relationships, gratitude is important!  

But why is gratitude so important for relationships?  According to the research, Gratitude is the glue that holds relationships together.

Dr. Amie M. Gordon in an article she wrote for Psychology Today entitled “Is Gratitude the Antidote to Relationship Failure” states that one of the reasons that relationships began to fail is because couples begin to take one another for granted. This is due to something we all experience called the hedonic effect. The hedonic effect is our ability to get used to something that initially may cause a spike or rise in our joy and happiness. When something is new and exciting to us, we experience increased feelings of happiness, joy and delight (think back to when you bought your first car or moved to a new place). But after a while we get used to the “new thing” and we go back to feeling the way we felt before it entered our life. It becomes a regular part of our life. We get “used to it”This happens in our relationships also. When we first meet our partner or get married we delight in their qualities, characteristics and quirks. But after a while we get used to them, and we begin taking our partner for granted. And the characteristics and qualities we found appealing we may now find, well…irritating.

The key to overcoming this is to purposely feel and express gratitude for our partner consistently. Gratitude, the research shows, causes us to feel more caring and committed to our partner and it motivates us to engage in behaviors that helps to keep the relationship together. When we are feeling grateful towards our partner, we become more thoughtful and responsive, we listen more to what they are saying, we care more about what they are feeling (and we respond appropriately). This of course can cause our partner to feel more appreciated and valued - which in turn can cause them to respond to us in more grateful and thankful ways. As we sow-we reap (as a rule -of course there are always exceptions to the rule).When couples in a relationship both practice expressing gratitude to each other they report greater marital satisfaction and feel closer to each other.

So do you have to wait until your partner shows you gratitude before you feel valued and appreciated and thus motivated to show them gratitude? Nope!You don’t have to wait! You can begin on your own, apart from your partner and begin reaping the benefits of gratitude for yourself (with the bonus that it will have a positive impact on how you relate to your partner).

Gratitude has been shown to be one of the number one emotions and practices necessary for emotional and relationship well-being. Take the time to cultivate a spirit of gratitude for yourself. It will pay huge benefits if you do. Until next time -be grateful.

Here are 5 things you can begin doing today!

Decide to become

a person of gratitude.

Decide, “This is who I choose to be - a

person of gratitude.

Take the initiative. Don’t wait until your partner does something to make you feel appreciative for you to begin to show gratitude -you go first!

Begin cultivating an attitude of gratitude for life in general. Begin listing what you are grateful for in life. What is important in this step is to truly feel the gratitude. Then as you are feeling the gratitude begin listing what you are grateful for in regard to your partner. It is easier to find what we are grateful for in a person when we are already feeling grateful!

Express gratitude towards your partner. Let them know specifically what you are grateful for, tell them why you are grateful for it, and the specific blessings and benefits their actions have brought you.

Give your partner compliments -at least 3-5 times a day. When they do well at work, or at home, celebrate with them!